Spine Degradation
by b11rthdaycake
Summary: Based on the storyline of the Virtual Season 3, I wrote this Logan-centred story. It begins in August 2023 – about one year and a half after the VS 3 finished. It's about the consequences of all the transgenic blood-donations. Please note that I am not a native english speaker. Any advice concerning the improvement of the language is welcome. Please review!
1. The talk on the sofa

**The talk on the sofa**

**Fogle Towers, Penthouse – Tuesday, August 15, 2023, 3:15 PM**

Logan sat on the sofa, waiting for Max to stroll into the apartment. A mug of something steaming stood in front of him on the table. His brows furrowed, deeply thinking through his strategy how to talk with her about it over and over again. Then, finally, he heard the key turn inside the lock. "Max! Glad to see you. Hey, come here..." - he beamed the nicest smile towards her he could produce and reached his left hand out for a hug of hers. Max let quickly slip her backpack down on the floor and was at his side within only a few paces. They huddled and kissed intense but quickly. "Mind if you sit beside me for a moment?" Logan looked up to her, his expression more and more uncertain. Max shot him an intrigued glance and responded: "Sure! Mind if I get me a coffee first?"

A few minutes later she was settled at his right side and looked curiously up at him. His whole body was turned a little to her side so that he could watch her face easier. For what he had to tell her, he desperately needed visual feedback. It would be hard anyway. He gulped, looked gravely at her and began:

"Did you ever wonder, why I didn't use the exo anymore lately?" Maxes astonishment mirrored on her face. "Well, no... I mean, wasn't it broken, as usual? I thought you were running out of spare tiles, something like that. And then, bless god, your work became slightly less dangerous. So, I thought, there was no need. Why?"

Logan choked slightly, "Ouhm, well, ... yes, those are aswell some reasons I didn't use it since long. But...", he let the sentence fade out, turned quickly away, glancing absently on the ground and began again. "There is another reason. Something that bothered me a lot. Something I felt coming already several months ago. Something I had to figure out before I could talk with you about."

Now Max was completely alert. "Logan, what the hell!" Her voice grew louder and one of her hands landed subconsciously on her hip. Logan raised his right hand in a calming gesture. "Max, I am telling you right now, ok? No reason to be upset." She nodded and took a sip of her mug, now all listening.

"I don't know when exactly it began, but someday I felt that my sensation was slipping further away than before, I mean after the gunshot but before the transfusion. Do you follow me?" Max nodded again, her eyes grew even wider.

"Now, then I remarked, that I sometimes had problems with my balance and the nerve impulses on the exo. Even if it moves your legs on its own, you need a working lower back to where it can pick up the nerve impulses to move the legs. No impulse means no movement. As I said, I felt that slowly slipping away somehow."

Max slithered nearly inaudible "And you didn't bother to tell me! As usual!" Logan took her hand in his. "No, I first wanted to figure out what the hell was going on. Therefore I went to Sam Carr." Max nodded a third time with a slightly pissed off expression.

- "He did a lot of tests and all, it took a while. But today, Sam Carr finally told me the results." He slipped his gaze away from her deep dark eyes and focused on a spot at the cupboard on the other side of the room, letting hang down his head a bit. Max tenderly grabbed his chin and turned his head now softly back into her direction. Logan let her. "So - it was not so good news, I guess?" He linked his eyes with hers again and shot her a long sad glance. Then again, his eyes interrupted the linking and his head popped away from her direction, as he began to speak:

"No, not so good. My spine is in train to decrease further. You remember the scandal with the transgenic stemmcells? How they were bad for the ordinary people on long term? And about the possible side effects of the stemmcell-therapy in New Mexico?" - Max nodded another time, her eyes gradually growing bigger and sadder. - "Well, something like that happens to me now. Even if at that time it was good that I received the three blood donations from Joshua and you, now it pays back, I guess." He snorted.

"Anyway, what Sam told me is, that they don't have that much of experience with it yet. But he could tell some things for sure - the spine degradation will continue inside me, at least up until this point." With that, Logan pointed at a spot on his lower breast, about 15 centimeters above his navel. And in worst case, it will go up to here." He now pointed at his lower neck. Max gasped and took his right hand in hers.

"Oh, Logan! And how fast..." - silent tears began to stream down her cheek, and she couldn't finish her question. Logan now turned a bit further to her, but not fully, still leaning at the backside of the couch, she registered subconsciously. Now he took her hand in both of his, looked deeply in her eyes and said with a quite soft voice: "Can't say, no experience so far, but probably 15 years if it doesn't stop before on its own."

Max let out her breath she was apparently holding before. Logan kept on: "Sam explained to me aswell the different states I will be in. First, I will have problems to sit properly. Then, my hands and arms will fade away. And in worst case, I'll need a machine to breathe for me." With that, his calm and steady voice cracked a bit, and he swallowed. Then he restrained himself again. "So, _this_ time I wanted to do it right and tell you straight away, to leave the decision to you. Even if this was really hard to talk about." He gazed with an uncertain expression to Max, who sat there with reddened eyes, tears flowing, staring at him blankly. - "What decision?"

Logan took a deep breath and began: "Last time, you were mad at me, because I didn't let you in about what was going on with my legs. It was all about you wanted to decide by yourself to react about it, remember? Now I think it is only fair, if I leave you the decision right away, if you really want to stick around me, when I become such a burden for you."

Max stirred. She let his hands go, furrowed her eyebrows and spitted angryly out: "You are no burden for me, Logan! You never will be! I love you! Didn't you get it? I don't care about your legs, I told you!"

Logan took a moment to respond, his eyes now fixed on his mug of coffee on the table as he spoke: "Well yeah, I know you don't care about my legs, but having no working arms is quite a different story. When time goes on, I will need you to lift me up and move me around, you'll even have to feed me." He shook his head lightly, then, more softly he added: "And I won't be able to caress you with my hands, ... and in the worst case I won't even be able to kiss you." Now his eyes fixed her. "Think about it, do you really want to live like that?" Maxes expression became softer at his words. She whispered: "I want you, now matter what! Remember?"

Logan sought in her face for a sign of decline, but all he found was determination. Then he took both her hands. "Yeah, no matter what! I love you, Max." With that, he pulled her nearer and leaned down to her at the same time. As their lips met to kiss, he felt that he was tipping over, but he didn't care at that moment. Eventually he sunk further down on Max. After a while, she tried to wind herself a little bit out of his heavy embrace to get a sip of her mug, with the only result that Logan collapsed on the sofa into the space between them. His cheeks reddened and he struggled to get into a decent sitting position again, because the sofa cushions didn't provide a lot of grip for him. When he succeeded after a while, Max shot at him a long thoughtful look, reflecting all she heard.

Max began tentatively: "Logan, do you have already problems to sit on the sofa? I mean, what was this about?" - Logan looked shyly away, now again totally self-conscious. "I told you, the first stage concerns the sitting position." He spoke again in his calm, professional voice, behind which he could hide his feelings. "Now, I am already past the spine damage the gunshot did. When I was shot, my boundary line of sensation was here." He pointed at a spot about 5 centimeters below his navel. - "Now it is here." - He lifted his index finger to a spot just above his navel. "It is already 6 centimeters up. It is a matter of balance. Which means, I sometimes struggle not to topple to one side or tip to the front. Remember last week, when I collapsed on the bed as you gave me the necklace to open for you? Because I lifted both my hands, I couldn't quite steady myself on top of the bed. The matress didn't provide sufficient grip and there was nothing to lean on, so I toppled. This will happen far more often, and one day I will not be able to sit without leaning on something anymore."

He sighed deeply. "But, there are some toys to help with that, thank god. This morning, I already ordered a different wheelchair. One with belts and with a better backrest." Logan decided not to tell her yet, that the chair he ordered also provided the possibility to add a head rest plus fixation and an electronic mouth control feature to move around for later on. Until then would be plenty of time... "Hopefully I won't need it too soon, but..." He let his last words fade out, fully aware of Maxes terrified expression.

Again restraining and with another sigh he added: "And there is one last thing you should know. I will diminish my armrange a lot with the belts that steady my back. I'll eventually not be able to lean over to one side and grab things like I used to anymore. Like from the floor or from a shelf." He swallowed again. „Sorry, to burden all this on you, but you just _have_ to know it..." Now his voice cracked, fading away, and he let his head hang down again, even deeper this time. He could feel the tears shooting in his eyes and then trailing down his face in a stream that seemed to be endless to him. He let them go, he had no force to fight his tears, he already opened up emotionally, so there was no point in holding back anything. He just felt sad, numb and blank inside. That was that, his future was done, and he would be a huge burden to the woman he loved and he then even couldn't have proper sex with anymore.

Max slowly snuggled in at his side, careful not to push him to topple down again and began to caress his right arm slowly, humming a soft melody. This sucked, it really sucked, but they would be together, no matter what.


	2. Later that night

**Later that night**

They sat a long time snuggled on the sofa, grieving silently the predicted loss and sharing the comfort of grieving together. Neither of them moved, shifted or stirred. They just sat calmly, leaning on each other. At least, they were not alone to face this. It was long past dusk, and the room had fallen to a nearly complete darkness, where only Max - because of her enhanced nightvision - could see properly. Logan's glasses laid on the couchtable, since he couldn't see anyway and he didn't want to either. There was no point, and everything seemed so numb, he just didn't care. He just wanted to sit there forever, leaning on Max, feeling her warm body against his - as long as he could feel with his body. He was not at all ready to face his life. He tried not to think of the future. Just sitting there was avoiding to face the reality.

After a long time sitting next to Logan, Max finally caressed gently his face. He turned a little bit toward her with a questioning look. Then, she softly and slowly began: "I love you and I want to feel you inside me, as long as it's possible." She returned the questioning look up to him, which was lost on him. Albeit his eyes sparkled of emotion and with the rest of moisture inside them, which gave Max a sting in her stomach. Was that too bluntly formulated? She didn't want to hurt him further, but they had to face it, right? With a pondering heart she tried to read his expression. He seemed to be overwhelmed and not quite able to respond. So Max continued: "Do you mind if we go to bed and snuggle a bit over there?"

After a long gaze at the direction of her eyes, Logan gave in. "Yeah, we can do that. Mind if you bring me there? I don't wanna turn on the lights, I kind of need the darkness right now, seems to matches my mind." - "Sure.", with that, she got up, lifted Logan to his chair and pushed him towards the bedroom. He transferred to the bed, pulled off his clothes and made himself as comfortable as possible inside the bed. Max instantly began to draw circles around his navel, caressing his abdomen and stomach. She smiled a little bit, as she saw goosebumps on his skin as a reaction to that. Logan shoved with his right hand through her hair, still moisture in his eyes. Tentatively, Max began softly again: "Is it ok for you, if we do that now although you can't feel..." she bit her tongue. Damned, she could not formulate it the right way. How could she ask him _that_?

But Logan now took her hand and said steady and calmly: "Hey, it is _MY_ turn to aks, if it is ok for _YOU_. Besides, I don't know, if my lower parts still work at all in that function. I mean, it is more than two weeks, since we had last... " Max interrupted: "It will, I am sure." - "Max, I am grateful that you even try it with me, although I am that broken. Hell, I even can't give you a full-service normal functioning relation." Max soothed him "Shh... you give me everything I want. Trust me, we'll figure this bitch out." With that, her fingers began caressing his important lower body parts until they responded on their own. "See? Your little friend is still alive.. let's not dissapoint him..." With that, she kissed him senseless and he let slip his consciuosness and gave way to his pure feelings. God, he loved that girl.


	3. Zen in the art of taking a shower

**Zen in the art of taking a shower**

**Penthouse - late afternoon, Friday, December 8, 2023**

Logan wheeled himself naked inside the bathroom, intending to take a shower. He drove as far as possible but as near as needed beneath the plastic chair inside the shower with his new wheelchair, which was slightly more bulky and harder to steer. Then Logan set his brakes and transferred. He hoped that his new chair would not get too wet, after all. Before his balancing problems grew, he just shoved the wheelchair a bit away, but that was not longer possible, because he needed his hands to stabilize himself. The act of showering itself had become more complicated over time. He had to firmly lean on the shower wall and steady himself with one hand for not tumbling. With the other hand he reached for the shower head, but today it was too far away at his first attempt. He cursed to himself and then reached out a second time. When he nearly got it, his back swiveled, he lost balance and slipped with a hollow smack to the floor. Desperate and with a reddened head he pushed himself to sit up on the floor. When he cursed again, the bathroomdoor flew open and Max came in.

"Logan! What happened?" she asked terrified. - Logan groaned and mumbled self-consciously: "Lost balance.", then he quickly glanced away, not daring another try to move towards the plastic chair. He didn't want her to see this. Him, unuseless, not even able to take a simple shower on its own anymore. Couldn't she just leave the bathroom? He glared at her now, as if he could get her out of the bathroom with the help of telekinesis. But his beloved and pregnant Max stayed. (They had finally figured out how to turn off the immunity DNA sequence which prevented that Max could carry a baby. Both were keen and full of hope as they found out about the pregnance, against all odds.) Logan knew that she was as stubborn as himself. And he knew that there was no way that she would leave him there on the floor. He sighed, deeply ashamed of his incapabilities. After they stared at each other for a short while, Max took the initiative. "Do you want me to do anything? Or do you want to sit there for the rest of the day?"

Logan considered the options. Sitting on the shower floor for the rest of the day didn't sound that bad, considering... But he knew that at this point that he had to show her his weaknesses and his incapabilities, and he knew that with the progress of his spine damage his proudness and grace would eventually be in peril. So he said defeated: "Guess this is the moment I really become dependent upon you." His face reddened even deeper, as he stretched one arm up to her. "Could you give me a hand with the shower?"

Max silently lifted him up to the plastic chair, put the wheelchair further away to gain space and began to undress herself. Logan used both hands to steady himself on the chair now. Despite his uncomfortable feelings about the whole situation, he enjoyed the view of Max getting naked with her little pregnant belly. The sight was a little blurred without glasses in the dim light, but that didn't matter right now.

Neither of them spoke. As Max was completely undressed, she shut the shower door and began to rinse gently Logan's hair and body. All the while she gazed at him in a lustful way. She soaked him and washed his complete body quite sensual and in a way that clearly showed him her affection. Logan sat stunned, his grip on the chair tightened. It felt really good, but he had no idea what to think about or how to deal with that. He was just overwhelmed. When Max was finished with him, she showered herself quickly. Logan still sitting right before her. Finally Logan gulped with a boyish shy smile: "Ahm,.. change 'dependent' on you to 'addicted', that's the better word." Max now beamed at him. "Will do."

The way Max dealt with Logan's progressive disability helped Logan a lot. He felt rather like a subject of sexual lust than a burden or a heap of flesh someone has to shovel around. She showed him affection and admiration in the most simple daily tasks, and he was grateful for that. Like this he felt still precious and full of grace. Albeit still feeling self-conscious, now he was looking forward to each shower they could take together.

In spite of the comfort Max provided for him, one thing really bugged Logan. Using the toilet became more and more an issue, since his lower organs gradually didn't function easily on its own any more after he was shot and he needed more often both hands to steady himself on the seat. There was no way to keep the grace when someone has to help with this. This felt like another humiliation for Logan, and he knew things would only getting worse from now on.

The time came when he needed to put on his belts to be able to sit in his wheelchair properly, namely the belt below his armpits. His armrange diminished drastically with that. He could no longer lean forward deliberately, his back was glued to the backrest of the wheelchair.

At first, he put on the upper belt only when he was tired or needed more steadiness while he was working at something with both hands. But more often he had the feeling of slipping down. He was not sure, if he was _actually_ slipping down, but it felt like it. It was an awkward feeling which he could avoid quite simply with putting on his upper belt. At the beginning, he opened the belt every time he needed to grab something which was out of his armrange or if he needed to lean forward shortly, steadied himself with his other hand and switched it on afterwards. But as his balancing problems got worse, he had the choice between stabilizing himself with both hands (and not be able to grab something for his hands were already occupied) or stabilizing with the belt below his armpits and not be able to grab things out of range, but having free hands to use.

Slowly, Logan got used to the diminished range, but very often he got into situations that frustrated him. Then, every time the phrase of Bling "Patience in all things!" crossed his mind and he smiled to himself, saying aloud "Right!" It became a ritual, which was astonishing forceful to help him. And it sort of helped, that he still was able to transfer in and out of the chair by himself.


	4. Creative cooking

**Creative cooking**

**Penthouse - late afternoon, Thursday, March 30, 2024**

Preparing dinner for Max had become a major task, since her pregnancy progressed. Logan never knew what bizarre combinations of taste she was up to, but he did his best to be prepared for both the amount of appetite and the possible wishes for taste. He was sitting in the kitchen and prepared the vegetables for a salad, as he heard the doorbell ringing. Putting down his knife and the carrot, he was tidying up his hands quickly in a towel before wheeling towards the door. He had no idea who could stand on the other side of his door at that time of day and sifted quickly in his head possible friends who might drop by, with no result. In earlier days, he could have spied simply through the peephole. But that was not possible nowadays. He considered to fetch his gun, but remembered that it was now stuffed in the lower drawer where he couldn't reach it easily anymore. So, with a pondering heart, he wheeled sideways directly beneath the door, that he could comfortably reach the key to unlock the door and was in the same time able to block it with his wheelchair, if necessary. Logan turned the key, opened the door just a crevice and peered through it.

Zack was standing there, calmly waiting. Logan quickly unblocked the door and wheeled backwards. "Hey Zack, come in!", Logan greeted him.

"Hey Logan", Zack gave back as he entered the flat. "Is Max around?", Zack peered around the chambers. - "No, she is still at work, but will arrive within the next 1-2 hours, I think. Like to join me in the kitchen to wait for her?", Logan asked with a welcoming expression.

Zack smiled slightly and followed Logan into the kitchen, where Logan resumed the vegetable-preparations. Zack asked: "Can I give you a hand?" - Logan froze for a second, then smiled broadly and said: "Yeah, thanks, you know, since Max is pregnant, she needs a lot of food...so why don't you start with the potatoes? They are in the cabinet over there, down left." As Zack knelt down and began to proceed to fetch out the potatoes from the back of the lower cabinet, he stopped short, gazed from Logan's upper belt to the lower cabinet and asked finally: "And how did you intend to fetch the potatoes originally? I mean, you couldn't know I was coming, right?" - Logan smiled sadly: "As you gathered with your superenhanced abilities, my spine degradation has progressed since the last time we met. Yeah, I admit, it would have been quite difficult now. The truth is, I had no plans for that and would simply have waited for Max to do it. You know, the daily living is already complicated enough, you can't plan everything in advance and sometimes you simply can't do things. I am still trying to learn how to deal with that."

Zack was taken aback by this openness of Logan towards him. - "Well, yeah, uhm... I think I better start the potatoes...", Zack pressed out. Logan calmly watched Zack's sudden awkwardness. 'Yes', Logan thought to himself, 'the reality of this nasty bitch of disability is hard to take in - even for Zack. Funny, that just now I seem to have less problems with it than he does.'

Zack felt Logan's gaze upon him. He had a million questions to ask, but was afraid to snub Logan with it. Logan sensed that Zack wanted to ask something but didn't dare. He said provocative: "Spill it, go on, ask. What do you need to know?" Zack looked directly into Logan's eyes and asked: "Isn't it too much of a burden for Max to have a baby and to have to care for you? I mean, how do you think this can function?"

- Logan felt like someone slapped him in the face. Yeah, that would be the natural question for Zack, who always praised effectiveness and perfection. Logan's countenance petrified. He said with a calm and emotionless, nearly professional voice: "Frankly, I asked Max the same question, as I had also doubts in my abilities that slip away. Now know what she answered?" As Zack was shaking gravely his head, Logan continued: "She told me she didn't care, that we'll figure it out and that the principal thing is our love for each other." - "Right", Zack answered. "But with love you can't diminish the purposes.", he added with a softer, but still earnest voice.

Logan gazed at Zack a while, before he answered with a slightly sarcastic voice: "In your eyes I might be already a useless and imperfect cripple, but I am still able to accomplish things. And I'll be able to do things in the next couple of years aswell.", then Logan's voice changed and became more loaded with meaning: "I can help Max with the baby, and if one day we reach the limitations, we can still reach out for external help. We have friends." Logan seemed to transfix Zack with his eyes.

Zack looked quickly down and continued to treat the potatoes. - "I just wanted to be sure that Max is all right", Zack answered slightly contrite. - "I know, Zack, and I am as eager to comfort her as you are, believe me. But I also know that she'll be alright, if she has the baby to mother and if she has the man she loves around her. She badly wants to settle down and have a real family." - Zack admitted: "I know.", then fell silent and peeled the potatoes. Logan continued with his carrot, sighing. They worked silently for nearly an hour, Logan shuffling more vegetables and other foodpreparing to Zack to help him.

The door of the penthouse swung open and Max entered with a happy "I am back darling!" Logan glanced at Zack and called out: "In the kitchen." - Max quickly entered the kitchen, already starting to talk to Logan "Great, you prepare food! I am quite hungry - oh, Zack", she interrupted herself, as she noticed Zack, who was helping Logan on the opposite side of the table. "Hey Max, I wanted to talk to you, and Logan invited me here...", Zack answered, glancing quickly at the other man. Logan interjected: "Hey, you two go talking, take your time, I am cooking your meal, and Zack is invited. Just do me a favour and fetch the olive oil from the cupboard, ah, and could you already start the potatoes cooking on the hotplate on the back?"

Max fetched the olive oil, Zack started the potatoes on the stove, then they went outside to talk about 'family stuff'. Logan sighed, as the door closed behind them. He was not sure if he was still capable to accomplish all of the cooking on his own, but he would try it. There was no point interrupting the two and asking for help in front of Zack.


	5. Babycare

**Babycare**

(The Baby just arrived a week ago)

**Penthouse, Fogle Towers, 2.00 am, Tuesday, May 23, 2024**

Max stirred and sighed slightly in the relative darkness beside him. Logan glanced at the pale shimmering moonlight that strolled faintly into the room below the curtains. Yes, it was the full moon that affected her sleep, even though she was exhausted. Logan pondered a little while at the interrelations of feline DNA and moon cycles as he heard his son – again – softly weeping. In the same manner as every couple of hours of the past week – Ben's first week of living – his weeping began softly and increased constantly to finally end up in a loud crying. No doubt, his son had already a loud organ Logan was very proud of, but not now. He glanced quickly to Max, who still stirred beside him, but was not yet awoken. With a soft sigh, he pushed himself into a sitting position, then quickly grabbed the holding bow which had been installed a couple of months ago to steady himself while he positioned the wheelchair and transferred. Without that new gadget he would not longer be able now to transfer from the bed on his own. Even with the plank to grab it became worse. Logan knew that it would only be a matter of weeks now, until he would not longer be able to it without help.

As silently as possible, he wheeled outside the room and closed the door behind him. He could only hope that Max could get a little bit of rest now. As he reached Ben's crib, he began to soothe him with his words. That worked for a while. Ben calmed down a bit and Logan caressed his head and arm a little bit before taking him cautiously up. He rocked him a little bit in his lap while he softly spoke to him. Then Logan put him back into the crib, knowing that Ben needed Max's breast to feed him. And that Max was not available at the moment. They already discussed to fill up breast milk for situations like these in advance, but they had not yet gotten the equipment for doing so, and Max didn't want to feed him with a bottle yet. Logan felt helpless – but this time because he was a male without the ability to breastfeed. He hoped against all knowledge that Ben would sleep again on his own if he soothed and caressed him enough. And it nearly seemed to function. But eventually Ben whimpered again, tiny tears rolling from his eyes. Logan sighed. Right. No point in waiting any longer. He had to wake up Max. He spoke encouragingly „Hold on little boy! Daddy is getting Mum." and wheeled back to the bedroom. Max was still asleep, now even sounder than before. Logan came around to her side – the right side - of the bed and took delicately her right arm, which hung outside over the rim of the bed, into his lap. He tenderly caressed her fingers, until she woke up. With a confused expression she gazed at him. „Logan? What are you doing there? Why don't you sleep?" - Logan sighed and replied: „Max, Ben is crying. This is one of the rare times _my_ food is denied. He needs you." Logan smirked. The effect on Max worked. She smiled back. „Yeah, see, there are males who prefer _my_ food!" Slowly and with groaning she eventually sat up and stretched her arms and legs, while yawning. „Want me to give you a ride?" Logan asked tenderly, knowing that Max was still exhausted from the birthgiving and the lack of sleep. After a short considering she nodded. „Yeah, would be nice to have a taxi." She slipped over to Logan's lap and he wheeled her to Ben's room, lucky to be at least a little bit of service to her in that cause. Max sensed his anger towards himself. „Hey, Logan, don't fight yourself because you are a man. I prefer that you are male, you know that, right?" She turned her head a little bit up to him while speaking. Logan cursed softly and then he couldn't help but smile about himself. „Look at me – pahetic! By the way, I am glad that you prefer males..." Both tiredly smiling, as they reached Ben's crib and Max began to feed him while resting in Logan's lap. Logan enjoyed being a part of the procedure this way. No, it was ok that he was the male part. He had less abilities, but that was how nature installed it. Right? Logan was used to have less abilities. He would deal with it. Perhaps better than other males...


	6. Transformed Wood

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Dark Angel or Joshua and Logan, although I really like both characters...

**A/N**: Thanks to EmeraldEyedPhoenix who beta-read this! I add a short chapter, but there is still more to come to that story. Please review! For I can know if I am on the right page with this...although DA is long ago finished, there are still a lot of people around reading that stuff.

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6. Chapter – Transformed Wood

**Joshua's House, Thursday, May 23, 2024, 11.20 am**

Klonk, klonk, klonk, klonk, klonk, klonk. Logan was amazed by the steady rhythm Joshua produced with his hammer on the nails. 'He should have become a drummer in a rock band, even his hairstyle would have been appropriate', Logan thought absently, smiling to himself. Although his forehead was smeared with a mixture of sweat and wood dust, his emerald pupils sparkled gracefully of pure joy to build something useful with his own hands. He sat on a pillow pad, leaning against the corner of the wall in the big central room of Joshua's house to steady himself, and measured wood pieces and planks, which were scattered around him on the floor. His legs were stretched out to either side under the broad tile that he used as a base. After the measurements, he cut the wooden planks to the right length for Joshua to plug them into the growing piece of furniture. Joshua and Logan were building something for improved babycare: a special dresser for baby-centered tasks Max could use easily and Logan could roll under with his wheelchair, which was not too high. At the sides, they added drawers to put the baby items into. Currently, Max and Logan laid the Baby on top of their big bed or the sofa on a woolen pad to change the diaper, but that was no long term solution, particularly for Logan. In addition to the usefulness of the object they were construncting, Logan was simply proud of it. He planned and composed it, and Joshua added the artistic design touch to it.

Joshua stretched his back in his bib overall and glanced shortly outside the sun stroked window. He yawned shortly, then turned towards Logan and asked: "Logan want drink anything? Joshua make coffee?" Logan interrupted his concentration and looked up to Joshua, becoming aware that the sun was already streaming in from a much higher position and that he hadn't noticed the passing time. Since Logan had taken off his wristwatch to prevent it from getting broken while doing handicraft work and from his sitting position at the corner Logan couldn't read the big pendulum clock Joshua always set accurately in honour to Sandeman, he asked back: "What time is it, Joshua?" "Nearly half past eleven", Joshua gave back. Logan nodded considering. "Uhmm...yeah, it would be fine to have a cup. Thanks, Joshua." Joshua beamed and quickly disappeared inside the kitchen to fetch the coffee. Logan pondered if it would be a good time to speak with Joshua about the proposition of his doctor, Sam Carr. Logan didn't want Joshua to start reproaching himself because of his spine situation, Joshua was such a positive person, and he didn't want him to take it wrong. But on the other hand, perhaps this was not such a big deal as he thought. As Joshua arrived back and handed Logan the cup, Logan tentatively started: "Joshua? I appreciate that you've helped us a lot already. But I'd like to ask you another favour." Joshua glanced at Logan astonished. "Joshua likes helping Logan and Max. Logan knows that!" Logan nodded smiling. "Right! You know, my doctor at the General Medical Hospital, Sam Carr, tries to figure out a cure for me. And since it is connected also to your blood donation back there, it would be quite helpful, if you could give him another small blood donation he can try things out with. You would have to go to the hospital to do it." Joshua's expression had gotten sadder as Logan talked. He gazed to the floor as he quietly said: "It's Joshua's fault that Logan is ill. Joshua didn't want that!" Logan sighed. Exactly the train of thought he had wanted to avoid. Intensly and very authoratative, but still soft he replied: "No, Joshua, don't go there! IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! The contrary! You saved my life, without your blood I would have died. So please, **NEVER** apologize for that, ok?" Joshua already looked a little bit more at ease. "Logan not angry?" Logan was shaking his head "Nope, I am not angry and never have been! All I asked you is if you would do me a favour and go to Sam Carr to give him some blood, so he can run some tests." At first, Joshua stared at Logan, considering, then slowly a smile recaptured his expression. "Joshua will help Logan! Joshua goes to doctor Sam." Now Logan showed his broad and brightest smile. "Great!" And after a short while of silence: "Now, come on, let's finish the dresser before Max comes back."


	7. Sports

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own Dark Angel, Logan or Bling. They belong to Cameron, Eglee + Co.

**A/N:** Wish you a happy christmas season! Hopefully I can get at least another chapter up in december. Thanks for the follows, and please review! Enjoy.

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7. Chapter - Sports

**A coliseum somewhere in Seattle, Wednesday, June 5th, 2024, shortly after 6 pm**

Hesitantly and with effort Logan pulled the heavy entrance door open with one hand, while steadying the wheelchair with the other hand. They didn't think of handicapped people as they built coliseums or sporting places. Logan sighed shortly. Architects probably didn't even know that sports for disabled existed at all. Bling had dropped him off outside the building, but had to drive on to an appointment with another client. Anyway, Logan managed to open and pass through the door, but then he was inert again. Being here felt to him a little bit like a defeat. The second he started playing rugby instead of basketball, he would accept his further limitations. For rugby far less motor function was needed than for basketball, and it was playable even with a much higher spine damage. Logan permitted himself a short mournful memory flashback at his basketball-buddies. He loved to be the goalgetter of the team, he had been good at it, he was quick and adept, and his team appreciated and accepted him. Logan sighed again. Right, no way back. This was another team he had to prove worthy for. With a determined expression, he continued to enter the heart of the coliseum.

He silently entered the playing the gym. The team was already in the middle of the training session, Logan saw 6 players fighting for the ball. One of the men at the margin came directly towards him. He was about 60 years old and also sitting in a wheelchair, dressed in a trainings outfit. Logan started the communication: "Hello, I'm Logan Cale. I called earlier, because I want to join." - The other man smiled warmly. "Yes, I remember. I am Neal, the trainer. Welcome!" He reached out his hand to shake Logan's. Logan noticed his warm and strong grip and felt instantly better and more at ease. Neal watched Logan's wheelchair. „But I am afraid, to join us, you need another chair." Logan did come with his basketball chair, although he perfectly knew that they used another kind of chair. But what could he do? He shrugged and said: "Can't bring what I don't have." - Neal nodded. "Right. So, if you just want to try out, I am sure, one of the boys will lend you one. Are you familiar with the rules?" In spite of the fact that Logan nodded again, Neal just went on to explain the rules. He talked and explained everything he could think of, then he called one of the players to them. The other guy agreed to change the wheelchairs to let Logan try out a little bit. And then Logan felt already again awkward, because they needed a helper to perform the change. And sure enough, there were at least three people sitting on the bench at the margin, ready to help. Apparently they were with some of the players. As they had played basketball, there rarely was a 'walker' around, usually they played on their own. The other guy who lent Logan his chair – his name was Bill, as Logan learned soon – was sat down at the bench at the margin, then Logan could enter the other specially constructed rugby wheelchair and after that, Bill could enter Logan's basketball-chair. But as he finally sat inside it, fixed with belts for safety and had his hands wrapped in something rubber-like to easier push the wheel (at wheelchair Rugby, you don't grab the rim, you just push with the whole hand the wheel directly, which is solid and has no spokes), Logan already felt better. And as he more and more became a part of the game, Logan experienced genuine joy. It had been too long for him since he last played basketball or other team sports. Yes, again he could pass balls to teammates, together they could choreograph offensive moves, and just to be at the right position in the right time became an asset. This was a profoundly tactical game, and Logan loved the challenge both of the mind and his body in combination with team spirit, in spite of the lack of attempts shooting a ball through the high basket. He would definitely order himself such a rugby chair as soon as he was at home!

Since he was only lending the chair from Bill, he could not stay inside his chair until the end of the training session. Too soon for his taste they switched again, and Logan had to watch from his position at the margin. But that was also interesting. Like this he could learn a lot about tactics and he saw a lot of small tricks, the others were performing. And they trained several special moves. He could get a feeling for this kind of game.

Soon enough, the training was over and everybody headed to the changing rooms. Since Bling didn't show up yet, Logan followed, glad to have some utensils to freshen himself up afterwards in his backpack. As he joined the others, everybody was curious about him. Logan told them about his basketball experiences and mentioned shortly that the state of his spine had gotten worse. But then he quickly changed the subject and asked a lot of questions concerning the tactics and the game in general, and a pleasant conversation spun out. In between the conversation several of the players vanished – always one at the time – towards the showers. Logan guessed, that there were not so many accessible showers and they had to take turns. He didn't shower, after all, he was not that bad soaked from his short experience and it would have been too much of a hassle. Especially since he didn't know how the showers would look like and without someone to help he could forget it. And what he definitely didn't want was asking one of the helpers of the other players. Finally, Bling showed up to drive him home.

Bling started to drive, Logan at the passenger seat, since they were in Bling's car. After a couple of comfortably silent minutes, where both were deep in reflection about the last hours, since Bling had had problems with his client and Logan had a lot of impressions to process, Bling began to ask Logan: "So. You liked it?" He smiled mildly, knowing already the answer to his question of Logan's expression as he fetched him. Logan, ripped out of his thoughts, answered: "Uhm.. yeah! I mean, yeah, it was ok..." - He glanced sideways toward Bling now and continued: "Think you can bring me next week again, and then perhaps stay a little bit?" - Bling nodded slowly. "Thought already that you would ask me that. See, the problem is this other client I have. He is not an easy case and needs my full attention...and I don't know if I can switch the appointments with him...hm.. I try to figure that out, but I cannot promise anything." - Logan nodded, "Thanks, Bling. I would appreciate it, but if not, it's also ok." Inwardly already thinking about, whom he might ask instead of Bling. Max was out of question, since she had to stay with the baby. But he would figure it out, that was for sure.


	8. Touches

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Dark Angel or Logan Cale. They belong to Cameron and Eglee and the film producing company.

**N/A:** Sorry for the long wait! I wish you all a happy new year! I am always delighted about reviews... thanks for them so far!

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**Chapter 8 - Touches**

**Fogle Towers, Penthouse – Wednesday, September 4, 2024, 11.00 AM**

Logan sat at his workstation and was in the middle of an Eyes Only investigation, as the babyphone began to snarl. It proved quite practical for Logan to be at ease while working on his computer without the fear of not hearing Ben crying in his room. Now he didn't need to leave the door open and risk to disturb Ben by making too much noise with his daily tasks. Max was at work, she had lately returned to work for several hours the week, in need of distraction and to be around her friends as well. She already started to creep up the walls without the direct connection to all the other coworkers and friends. Logan supported that, he knew it was the only remedy for her inner balance, and there was no point for her being imprisoned into this flat. Anyway, they shared the care of the baby as good as they could. Max used to prepare a flask of her mother milk and put it into the fridge every time she left the apartment, so that Logan could feed the baby later on. Although his balancing problems had progressed and the boundary of sensations had climbed slightly upwards again, he still could very well care for the baby, lift him up from the crib and change diapers. The special dresser which he had built with Joshua for such baby-centered tasks proved quite useful in the practical experience. Logan was amazed by the amount of stuff a simple baby-care needed. He was glad, that the drawers on each side provided just enough space for all the specially needed baby-items.

As the snarling noises went on, Logan interrupted his research and moved at quickly to Ben's room. Entering, he soothed the little boy, speaking softly towards him. Ben ceased instantly with his crying, since he was already used to the satin voice, that many times in his short life predicted something to eat or other kind of comfort. As Logan reached Ben's crib, he took him up and cradled him in his lap with a big cushion underneath the baby. Now Ben gazed with big dark and curious eyes up to his Daddy. Intrigued by the easy contentment of the baby, Logan sniffed the air in order to investigate the reason for the baby's crying. His conjectures were right. Ben badly needed a diaper-change. So he wheeled him delicately to the baby-dresser and laid him on top of it. Logan fetched everything which would be needed and began with his work.

Finally, as the baby lay tidy and wide awake on top of the dresser, he grabbed Logan's pinky finger and tried to haul it toward his mouth. Usually, Logan let him grab nearly everything at his body, as long as it was not his hair or his eyes. He knew it was a natural and important thing to do for a baby which learned through it the nature of things.

This time, however, the grabbing felt for Logan like a punch into his stomach. He saw his little son grab his pinky finger - and felt nothing. It struck him like a steamroller. This was it, the first sign for the loss of his hand functions. He knew it, and he knew it would come. "Damned" he murmured to himself. The baby was giving chuckling noises and felt obviously quite happy. It seemed like a mockery of life to him now. "Well, enjoy the care of your dad, it will not be long until I can't touch you at all now." He felt his face becoming hot and the tears flooding along his cheeks as he said those sarcastic words, which the baby couldn't understand yet. With now slightly shaking hands for anger and incertitude he took the baby with caution back to the crib. Then, he headed towards the living room. Logan needed space and the window to stare out. He needed to deal with all this in his mind and to sort out the harsh consequences and how to face them.

Logan was still sitting in that position, as Max came back from work a short time later. Sunken deep in his thoughts, he didn't acknowledge her until she stood directly in front of him. "Logan? What's the dealio?", she asked suspiciously. He jumped startled and then looked sadly up to her. "Oh, hey Max.", after a small pause he added gravely: "It begins." - Max stared blankly at him. "You lost me. What begins?" - "My hands, I begin to loose the function." With that, he gazed at his hands and turned them a little bit, as if something different could be seen on them. But they still looked the same.

Max dropped her bags and knelt beside him. "Oh Logan. - When did you remark it?" - "When Ben grabbed my pinky finger", he said with a tuffed voice. "Max, I couldn't feel it! I couldn't feel his baby-fingers." Deeply embarrassed, his sad ocean-green eyes pierced right through her heart.

Max slung her arms around Logan's neck and pressed her forehead against his. "We knew it would come, but not so soon.", she quietly said. He nodded silently. But then they had no cases of precedence at the Metro Medical, Logan mused. Determined, Max took firmly his hands in hers and they both looked down at them. Max gently kissed each fingertip of each hand, before she started caressing the palms. Logan gave out sarcastically: "Do you kiss them goodbye?" Max quickly glanced up to him and then tilted her head a little. "Perhaps... I want you to have sensations you could remember later." Logan softly said: "You are so sweet! Come up here, my mouth needs also something to remember." With that, Max lifted her mouth to his and kissed him senseless - again. But this time, they were interrupted by an angry cry for milk from the baby. Max stood up with a sigh and went to fulfil her duties as a mother.


End file.
